, but when he attempted the other, his foot stuck fast. "You are a
pretty tradesman," said he, "I ordered you to make one of the boots
_larger than the other_; and, instead of that, you have made one of
them _smaller than the other_." THE DOUBLE BULL. "HOW can you call
these blackberries, when they are red?" "Don't
you know that _black_ berries are always _red_ when they are
_green_?" IRISH DREAMING. WHEN General and Mrs. V. were in Dublin,
they were
perpetually teased by an old woman whom they had relieved, but whose
importunity had no bounds; every time
she could find
an opportunity she had a fresh tale to extract money from their
pockets. One day as they were stepping into their carriage, Molly
accosted them: "Ah! good luck to your honor's honor,
and your ladyship's honor,--to be sure I was not dreaming of you last
night; I dreamt that your honor's honor gave me a pound of tobacco,
and her ladyship gave me a pound of taa." "Aye, my good woman,"
says the general, "but you know dreams always go by contraries." "Do
they so?" replied
she, "then it must be that your honor will give me the taa, and her
ladyship the
tobacco."
THE PROVIDENT WIFE. A TAILOR dying said to his wife, who was plunged
in tears, "My dear, don't let my death afflict you too much. I would
recommend you to marry Thomas, our foreman; he is a good lad and a
clever workman, and would assist you to carry on the trade." "My
love," answered
the disconsolate dame, "make yourself easy
on that score, for Tom and I have settled the matter already." THE
COCKNEY'S
BAGGAGE. SUT LOVINGOOD sends the following to an exchange. A
full-blooded Cockney who is now taking notes on the United States,
chanced to be on one of our southern trains, when a "run off" took
place, and a general mixing up of things was the consequence.
Cockney's first act, after straightening
out his collapsed hat, was to raise a terrible 'ubbub about 'is
baggage,
and among other things, wanted to know, "hif railroads hin Hamerika
wasn't responsible for baggage stolen, smashed, or missing?" "Well,
yes," said the Tennessean addressed, "but it is a deuce of a job to
get your pay." "Why so?" "They will perhaps
admit your claim, but then _they offer to fight you for it_; that's
a standing American rule. There is the man employed by this road to
_fight
for
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