SoaS spin page content: can haz halp?

I'm struggling with the content for the SoaS page (spin webpage). Here's what we've got so far. I think it's better than what it was before, but it still feels... not quite there. https://fedoraproject.org/wiki/Sugar_on_a_Stick#Spins_Page Goals for the page - as a result of seeing this webpage, viewers should: * Know what SoaS is * Know our target audience (so they'll either go "yay, that's me!" and try it out / join the community, or go "oh, I know someone like that" and tell their friends). * Want to try SoaS (high viewer --> user conversion rate) * Know how to become contributors to SoaS (high user --> contributor conversion rate) Halp? Allegheny SoaS team, I know you've had some good thoughts (and have a nice interview with a teacher somewhere), but I haven't seen nor heard any of them... where should I be looking? We are following the instructions at https://fedoraproject.org/wiki/Spin_webpage_creation_SOP, and ultimately want to end up with a page on http://spins.fedoraproject.org/ similar to http://spins.fedoraproject.org/kde (but for SoaS). --Mel